I started the journal to remind myself of the small positives amongst the negatives I may experience daily, so okay fine, I'm grateful I have a car I love but I will be damned if I have to change another tyre, go for yet another oil change or my key battery needs changing.
This seems very mediocre and it is. But this is the reality I face alongside all the other day to day things. I am not sure where to start with this post but originally the idea came to me following an interview I attended to become a volunteer.
I spoke about my passion for the first time in a very open manner as the environment was finally right, I worked in the 'white-collar' sector for half a decade and September 2018 I started my course in Criminology. Where am I going with this?
Well, my true passion has been the injustice in the justice system. Vague right? But how do I even summarise what I mean by that? I cannot without going into personal experience.
I came to the UK in September 2000 and got dropped straight in the deep end of the education system, my mother sent me straight to school within the week and without a word of English, I began my education journey.
Being amongst the ... well, the only Eastern European person in my primary school at that point I experienced life a little differently to how this may happen now. I didn't have anyone who spoke my language so I learnt quickly. I communicated the best I could and began to excel in my classes.
So, again I am grateful for the patience teachers demonstrated towards me however, as a child my memory of the negative was conveniently blurred until I became a 'somewhat adult'.
In the playground, I had children gather around me as if I was something extraordinary, ask me to repeat things I know I should not have been saying and who knows what else. I was targetted by an older boy who would try to intimidate me on my short walk to and from school. He would take my hat off me in the winter and throw it onto the train tracks, I would then have to make up a story to tell my mother because I didn't want her to 'embarrass' me by coming to the school. I felt like I was alone with hundreds around me in the playground. I made some friends, actually one in particular who became my best friend all through primary school and then reunited in college... but more on that later.
As I began to grasp the language and get used to my surroundings, my primary school was being closed down. I did not know what was happening but I knew that there was a choice of two alternative schools. Naturally, I stepped into the line that had a familiar face in it, my friend. For the sake of this story, we can call her 'Ria'.
So myself and Ria along with a few of our classmates went onto our new primary school, only a little further up the road. By now, my mother was working night shift so setting an alarm for me to leave for school before she got home. Ria and I would share our walk to school and as the years went on and we were in year 5 we got up to all sorts of mischieve, playing knock door run, experimenting with smoking and testing the school dress code.
What was not included in this friendship at this point was my home life, my mother and step-father had a very abusive functioning relationship. I would often wake up in the middle of the night to music blaring, the police knocking and/or my parents fighting.
Neither of them had a healthy relationship with alcohol and although retold differently by my mother later on in my life she also had a nasty temperament towards my dad. He would often leave in the middle of their 'party' normally driving yet another car we had - into a post, neighbours car or simply turning it on its roof. This all became a norm for me. Every weekend the same ritual, drinks, argument and fight. I would come down the stairs trying to plead with them to turn down the music before the neighbours call the police but so much alcohol later it fell on deaf ears.
Long story short, I grew up in an environment that was loving but the relationship my parents had was toxic, it remained toxic for 14 years. I grew up in an education system that set people up to fail if they were different, different racial background, behaviour issues or just required a different approach. I came out of it all still a decent human being and even more eager to help those who have experienced anything similar. I have seen classmates, friends and at one point a boyfriend go through the justice system as yet another statistic, some came out of it and made a life beyond the bars, others are still in there or ended up back in prison.
I am white but I have always been white - other. So although at face value I experience a lot of the 'white privileges' I have also faced racism, exclusion and not fitting into a society where I grew up because by now I am neither British or Latvian anymore. Both deny me for their own reasons.
So when I started my journey through University I found myself also excluded but in a more positive light, I am a 'mature' student in a room filled with 18 - 21-year-olds. Who have a different world view to myself, who share different opinions and who also have so much to learn about the world they are growing into. I have an opportunity to make a change, no matter how small it is what I want to do.
So although I assume that I started this post rather randomly, I also think this is something that has been a long time coming. I believe, that this journey I am on will require a space where I can unload the bulks of information I come across but also document my experiences through our current justice system in a very fragile state that the country is currently in.
I may share more past stories, although I have already shared more than I have told most people I meet. But mostly I will try to keep it educational ... with a twist :)
Also, I have not forgotten that I mentioned a passion I have that also inspired this post.
I want to be in a position to one day open a youth centre within my city. I have seen far too many close and with little else to do. Our youth now fills their time with less ... law-abiding activities.
